Tan Kin Lian's Blog: Pain of separation

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Pain of separation

As I was entering the departure hall at Jakarta Airport, I saw a scene that touched my heart. A little girl (maybe 5 years old) was crying loudly. She was clinging to her father who was leaving Indonesia, probably to work overseas. Her grand parents were trying to console her.

I was very sad that families had to be broken in this manner and that the parents had to be separated from their small children to work overseas. Many of these parents are working in Singapore as domestic maids and foreign workers. Many employers do not like their maids to use the telephone as they may "cause trouble". The maids are also discouraged to telephone to their families at home.

I hope that the employers realise that these maids and foreign workers have family and children back at home. Let us help them to lessen their pain of being separated from their family.

Tan Kin Lian

17 comments:

Anonymous said...: Such scenes may soon be repeated in Singapore Changi airport in the coming years. It will however involve Singapore children and their families.

Opportunities are drying up here. The future is in China and the rest of Asia.

Our kids will cry as the Singapore parents leave for overseas assignments.

Multinational companies are kinder on families. Local companies expect Singapore employees to stay apart from their families for months at a time.

But don't take my word for this. Just run an online poll and see if others agree.; April 21, 2010 9:34 PM
Have maid, Have trouble said...: Allowing maids to phone home will affect their focus on work. This is especially true for first time contracts.

Encourage letter writing instead.
It allows more time for reflection and precision in what needs to be conveyed back home. The maids have been told upon their recruitment, what is expected and their focus to complete their contracts.

Here are some points to consider before allowing any maid to phone home. It does not matter if the call is made from a residential line, mobile or pay phone.

A) Who will pay for the call
B) How long should the call be
C) What if the phone number is invalid?
D) How many calls should be attempted if the first dialled number is unsuccessful
E) How often should calls be allowed
F) After the call, the maid says she MUST return. What can you do?
G) After the call, the maid seems disturbed for the next 2-3 days, what should you do?

If you can confidently deal with any of the above scenarios, then by all means, allow the maid to call.. including calls to Taiwan,HKG,KL...Toronto, Milan, Athens, Rome.. yeah.. they have "cousins" who work there too.; April 21, 2010 10:04 PM
Tan Kin Lian said...: REply to 10:04 PM

The maid is able to call using a pre-paid card. There will be no cost to the employer. We have to be understanding. They need to talk to their family members.; April 21, 2010 11:22 PM
Anonymous said...: 己所不欲，勿施于人means if you do not like something or you don't want to do something, you should not pass them to others or let others to do.; April 22, 2010 8:27 AM
hosingping said...: I agree with Mr Tan. For those have children will understand their situation. We are fortunate not to leave oversea for work and separate from family. do not take things for granted. if one day, singaporeans may have to leave the country and depart their children how would we feel and not allow to call back. we must allow them to call back as they have family too like us.; April 22, 2010 8:34 AM
Anonymous said...: Pre paid cards are ok.
But these maids are unfamiliar with its use, you will have to guide them through. The cost is borne by the maids themselves.

After the first call, the next few days she will be calling again. Then we have to get another card, and another.. yes, all costs borne by the maid. Saftey of the kitchen, home is ignored. stove fires, rain water, children left in the bathrooms, elderly people dentures choking while the maid is on the phone.

We have better judgement. and yes, we are understanding and compassionate. Are they?
They are not like your typical employee in the office or in the factory.

I allow calls from my fixed line using a pre paid card... but with the clear agreement that it be done only once in 2 months, and unders no circumstance is she allowed to keep the pre paid card or to call without my presence.
All the numbers she dialled could not get connections. Her family later wrote that all the mobile numbers were no longer valid because they had no money to keep the lines.Meanwhile, the maid had spent $30 using up all the credit in the pre paid card.

Am I helping her to save money or to spend it? After all, they came here to earn money or to make calls from overseas? It all boils down to judgement. And I feel we are better at it.

I support letter writting.; April 22, 2010 10:21 AM
Anonymous said...: Most Pinoy maids I see carry a handphone. I believe employers tend to mistreat those Indonesian maids.; April 22, 2010 10:22 AM
Tan Kin Lian said...: reply to 10:21 am

it is possible for the employer and maid to work out an arrangement to telephone back at a certain time.

letter writing is okay, but may not be suitable for children who are too small and cannot read.; April 22, 2010 10:27 AM
Anonymous said...: We need to solve the root cause of all these problems.
We do not need maids if we have proper child care and elder care systems in the country and if all of us can go home at 5pm sharp.

I heard that in Australia, there is no such thing as maid agencies. Can someone confirm this? Anyway with everyone going home after 5pm, why do Aussies need maids?; April 22, 2010 10:58 AM
Singapore Plebian said...: To Have Maid, Have Trouble,

Maids are human beings. They have families and loved ones. Not allowing them to contact them is almost inhumane.

When I was in the army, I remember during BMT, we were allowed x mins once a week to use a payphone to call home. I can remember how happy we all were when we could make our calls, how are morale was lifted. I think my parents / girlfriend at the time so looked forward to those calls too. Instead of being troubled, we were mostly lifted. Moreover, there were no handphones at that time. So timings had to be precise and if we were unlucky, the party who we wanted to contact was not there and we would lose our 10cents.

I also wonder how many of us would feel if the same standards suggested in the post above are applied to us.

I guess based on the above posting, it would be fair that none of us can call home / spouses / children during office hours, whether using the office phone or our handphones. We wouldn't want to get distracted from fulfilling our obligations to our employers, now would we?; April 22, 2010 12:09 PM
Anonymous said...: Come to think of it, I recalled a female ex-colleague who would phone up her maid, her husband, her father, her mother, her sister, her sister-in-law, etc almost every hour. The receptionist trying to put calls through from clients had no choice but to take messages.; April 22, 2010 2:11 PM
Anonymous said...: Maid and human right cannot be co-exit in Spore - I believe this is true from what I read.

Let's put ourselves in others' boots, you will understand better.

Loh; April 22, 2010 2:40 PM
Anonymous said...: Allow them to call home once a month using a mobile belonging to the employer.
A maid is also a human, so treat her with compassion, if she is treated well, she would return the favour by working happily as she would have something to look forward to end of the month. Else she would be miserable, thinking of husband and children or her parents.; April 22, 2010 4:12 PM
Anonymous said...: Yes! treat them like we would like to be treated.. Dont employ them in the first place!
Just leave them be!; April 22, 2010 6:23 PM
A Singaporean said...: We should allow maids to call home. Maids are after all, human beings. But they should not do it excessively.

Singapore is rather unique in that people don't move as much. In larger countries, a lot of people move a lot very often. Students have to move to attend colleges and universities, because these are not near their homes. Then move again to find work. Postdocs are always encouraged to work elsewhere for wider exposure and experiments. People elsewhere are used to moving repeatedly. Perhaps not Singaporeans.; April 22, 2010 8:52 PM
Anonymous said...: Maids calling home should be treated as incentive. Maids should be discouraged to have their own mobile phone.

Letter writing takes time to write not many employers willing to give their maids time to write letter.

Most maids will choose to rest and sleep early than writing letter.; April 24, 2010 8:16 PM
Unknown said...: I agree with Mr Tan. We should allow maid to call home.
My MIL's maid was employed to take care of the great grandma.

When the maid came to singapore for first few days, she was very depressed. Even try to escape before. My MIL console her and even let her call home. The calls have help her greatly. After which
she took good care on the bedridden great grandma till the grandma passed away.; May 03, 2010 7:15 PM